Two Million Thoughts

Pun definitely intended.

When I was in high school, I’ve always believed in the saying (popularized by Candy mag): You are beautiful any weight you are! More often than not, I’d tell this one-liner to my not-so-slim friends and everything would always turn right. Life was sooo simple then.

Now, it’s hard to fool myself with this line when all I can see in the mirror are those excess pounds from overeating just to ward off the the bore of reading and studying. It’s not easy to believe that I am beautiful any weight I am when almost everyone I know would comment on how bloated I look or how I have ballooned. And it is even harder to accept that most of my clothes don’t fit me now.

I knew not how it started. All I know right now is that it is hard to shed off those extra pounds but it is sooo easy to gain more. When I thought that I was only doing myself a favor by eating a few of those potato chips or an extra helping of donuts and polvoron (because, as I reasoned out before, I am overworked and damn tired), I was already depositing the ever naughty fat in my system.

Certainly, it did not happen overnight. All those extra bites and additional servings had taken a toll on my body now. Not that I claim to be slim and fit. However, there is really a big difference between the me then and the me now and it is all summed up in three agonizing words: extra 15 pounds, that is, an additional 15 pounds to my supposed normal weight. Tough!

And as if knowing this is not enough torture, a lot would even point out to me this sad-sad fact in public! But I’ve never given them much importance until my Korean tutee straightforwardly told me the undeniable truth: You are getting fat! And I knew then that I could not deny. My body is enough prima facie evidence to support his statement.

So I started crash dieting. Skipping meals. Exercising. Eating nothing. Torturing myself at the sight of those delicious foods and eating none of them. But the demands of school work and, I admit, my own laziness, got the better part of me. I’d stop exercising when I felt that I could easily fit into most of my clothes. And after weeks of deprivation, I finally gave in and take in 4 slices of Cheezy Volcano pizza, drowned with Tropical Frizz, and capped with a few slices of Red Ribbon brownies, shortcakes, and Belgian bite donuts. What can I say? Human beings are born to eat something and I am just obeying my biological needs. Ha!

But I would not deny the fact that I feel depressed everytime the topic of being overweight is brought up.

But I also know that crash dieting and meal-skipping won’t work for me now.

So, while I’m still figuring out the best diet and exercise plan for my body, sit back and relax folks and enjoy seeing a bloated-but-still-hopeful-to-slim-down me!